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Closure
Because I think I need it the most. •= Closure |-| Paskal= Paskal doesn't even know why he got into teaching in the first place. Maybe it's because he likes Potions too much and he needed something to do with his life. Maybe it's because he realized that most teachers at EESM are shit anyway, so there's no problem with him being shit at teaching kids either. Maybe it's because he realized, if he's the one teaching these kids, they won't grow up to be shit adults like the rest of the world. And maybe, just maybe, it's because he wanted to. At the beginning of the year, he tells them: "You are to call me Professor Balekov and not any variation whatsoever. Open your books to page three hundred and start reading. If you have any questions, do not ask them. Be smart and figure it out yourselves." And surprisingly, they follow. He likes the feeling of authority and sticks with the job for one more year. There's a young fourth year from Kask who is full of it, but she likes Potions enough and she's good at it. She's arrogant and cocky and loud, and she cracks a joke in class one day and he smiles. He pretends he doesn't notice when the entire class starts pointing and staring. There's a second year whose potion explodes in his face, and he puts down the book he's reading. His assigned subject leader, a seventh year Vorobyov gasps because Paskal doesn't think he's ever been this concerned in his life. There's a sixth year from Boyanova who he finds crying in the Potions Basement over her boyfriend, who cheated on her. He pretends he doesn't care and tells her to leave. The next day when the girl finds out that someone slipped a Bulgeye Potion in her ex's butterbeer, she smiles at Paskal and he winks back. And he hates to admit it, but he's actually getting kind of attached to these little shitheads. (Even if they constantly try playing matchmaker with him and the female members of the faculty. Even if they make corny jokes. Even if they don't study for their tests. Even if they talk in class.) The new generation Aces are particularly annoying. One of Caison's kids is in Vorobyov, and that means Paskal is his head of house. One day, the boy blows up Campbell's office, and the professor insists they call his parents. And Paskal remembers Alfred Caison and Eca Kogălniceanu. They were in the year above him. Except, apparently they're busy or some other bullshit like that, and they send a friend to go on their behalf. He expects the Radu boy or the Radu girl. Instead, he sees a flash of red hair enter his office in the middle of Dmitri's whining. He smiles. |-| Rikard= Rikard puts together all the footage and makes two copies. One for himself, and one for Kateryna. He leaves the second at her doorstep and is gone by morning. He's on a plane going to America, and he thinks it's a good decision because he can speak the language and he has just enough money to by a shit apartment in Brooklyn. He continues making movies, documenting life and doing what he loves. He's broke. He's alone. He's happy. And he thinks, that's enough. |-| Joakim= Let it not be said that Joakim Kassenburg did not fight. Because he did. Until the very end. Being a Kask means you're a self-preserving bastard, and Joa has never been ashamed of that fact. It means he doesn't give in. Not even when he had no friends in first year. Not even when the boy he loved got a girlfriend. Not even when he found out he and Johanna had different dads. Not even when Brenna Amory put his sister in a coma. Not even when she took him away before he could see Johanna wake up. Not even when she decided to use the Cruciatus Curse on him for the forty-ninth time. (Yes, he kept count.) Not even when she threatened to kill him with a wand to his head. Not even when she actually uttered the words, "Avada Kedavra". And sometimes, yes, being a Kask means you're a self-preserving bastard, but it also means that when you've found the right people to care about, they start to matter more than yourself. He protects them until the end and they'll never know that, and as a Kask he measures success in recognition, but the point is: they're safe. He can live with that. He dies peacefully. And no, he never gets to dance, or meets someone who'll get him to. But maybe, in another life, he will. |-| Johanna= She's tempted to let them see her, even if it's just once, but she won't succumb to temptation. Still, there are times when someone's being mind numbingly stupid and she wants to shout at them and tell them where they're going wrong, because there isn't a Kassenburg to do it anymore. (Joakim is dead, she knows this now. His soul has passed on. She's happy about that. They can be dead together. With twins, it's a buy one take one deal, and even death applies.) It's moments like Dominik and Kiku fighting, Alfred trying to find Joa when they both know he's dead, Loosh drinking way too much, Jennie mourning her friends, Jes giving up on finding his parents when he's so close... So she sends them signs, and sometimes, they work. She likes to fancy herself a guardian angel. Most of the time, they're doing just fine without her, and honestly, she knows she should just accept that, because that's the whole point of being dead. Everyone is learning how to live their life after the war shattered them into a million pieces. Everyone is putting themselves back together again, sometimes with help from others. And she's proud of them all. (Except for Aaron. That boy is still being an idiot. And yes, it must be hard to lose your best friend but so did Alfe and Alfe... is also being an idiot still. Shit.) One day she leaves a note for Alfe. It's a simple Stop looking. We're fine. Love, Johanna. And she's grinning because she watches Alfe find it, and instead of being hurt, or mad, or even sadder, he smiles. She watches him cancel his trip and go spend more time with Eca and his children. She thinks, that's the way it should be. She's there for Dominik like he was there for her. Her heart was failing the same way Dom's heart is breaking. She sits there, quietly on his bed, when he finds out Kiku was cheating on him. She thinks he knows she's there because when she puts her hand over his, he starts to calm down. She takes pleasure in watching Dom burn the invitation to Kiku and Apol's wedding, and smiles when he meets a girl who'll finally make him happier than she ever did. Loosh gets drunk one night and exclaims a broken, "I know you're there, Ohana!" even when Johanna's pretty sure she can't be seen. She gives Loosh a hug and helps her get home. Her best friend is crying and her heart is breaking but Loosh has found her closure and she's happy for her. Jes continues looking for his parents, and Johanna helps. She leaves him a bunch of leads that she thinks might be useful, by leaving the link open on his laptop, and one finally works. When it happens, she opens his laptop again and finds a sticky note saying "Thank you." and she smiles. Jennie likes inventing things. She was the glue of the group when the Kassenburgs died and Johanna could not be more thankful. The little girl has a brilliant mind, and Johanna enjoys watching her use it. Back to Leppala being an idiot. Of course, the boy who's afraid of growing old chooses the shitty apartment in front of the old folk's home. She's knows she's also kind of an idiot for being selfish because he's the hardest to hide from and every once in a while she slips and may be inadvertently driving him crazy. She always makes sure to have people check on him. And one day, he's twenty seven and lying in bed. She sits in one of the wooden chairs, because she needs to keep her distance and watches him slowly die. She folds her arms, resisting the urge to hum or sing or something, because normally, she's not this good at keeping quiet. She sees him look at the explosives, realizes what he's thinking and sighs. He immediately glances over to her, and she swears, he can see her, because he's looking straight into his eyes. She doesn't know whether to be happy or sad that Aaron may finally be going for this so she gives him a reassuring smile, shrugging. She stands when he walks over to the tub of black powder, and she goes there to join him, letting her hand pass through his, and when he hesitates, she lets the smell of her perfume fill the air. She passes on when he does. At least, now, everyone is finally happy. Including her. |-| Kova= She murders seven people during the Battle of EESM and lands herself in Azkaban for it. She's unstable, and they thought sending her to the strongest prison in the world was a suitable punishment. The Dementors bring her joy, not sadness. It's weird, but the entire prospect of being in Azkaban was her dream in the first place. They say the only way to remain sane is to cling on to your happy thoughts, but each day in the prison added to them. And when Shacklebolt makes her friends leave, she frowns. Aurors replace them, but she realizes they're even easier to fool, and one day, with the help of one Giovanni Amory, she escapes. The world is huge and full of possibilities, and as much as she loved her stay in Azkaban, she isn't planning on going back for quite some time. She changes her look, and she changes her name. She travels to the ends of the earth and has fun doing it. Out of everyone who's been to EESM, she thinks she got the happiest happily ever after. |-| Benedikt= He didn't say goodbye. He didn't say goodbye to anyone. He doesn't have a reason as to why he just got up and left, but the school was in ruins and he shrugged and thought, "Maybe today's the day." Brenna Amory was dead, his home was destroyed, and everything felt sort of empty. And when everything starts feeling kind of empty, he'll start feeling kind of empty too, and that just means Amory wins. Most ghosts walk into the light. He ran into it. |-| Zhanna= The day Clara leaves is the day Zhanna jumps off the balcony because she didn't get to say goodbye. Svyat is next to her in an instant, and he looks panicked, "Zhanna, you were doing so great, why did you have to do this? You were getting better!" Then, Vsev is laying a hand on Svyat's shoulder, shaking his head. Svyat shuts up and Zhanna smiles. She's bleeding out on the pavement, and people around the entire town are gathering. Everyone probably saw the perfect Sokolova try to kill herself. Everyone definitely saw the Sokolov boy, Vsevolod, they think his name is, bring out his wand. Vsev sits down next to her and says, "I'm actually kind of jealous." She smiles. "Clara's not the only one who gets to escape." Vsev mutters a killing curse, trying to save her the pain. It works. The secret is out. |-| •= Closure |-| •= volume i |-| Chapter 1= and i am not frightened of dying any time will do; I don’t mind "They didn't give me a viking funeral." she sighs. Joakim rolls his eyes. "They wouldn't have a body to burn, Anna." "Yeah, but. Boat on fire sailing off into the distance! Ecaterina could shoot the flaming arrow! It would be so splendicocious!" The Kassenburg siblings sit down by a tree, both having mastered the trick of not passing through everything they touch. Joakim likes the feel of solid ground beneath him, even if his sister prefers to fly. Johanna's playing with his hair, messing it up, and the two watch their friends slowly gather for their funeral. It's weird to watch his friends crying, but is it that selfish to be happy that they're sad? It means he was loved. "Who do you think are giving the eulogies?" "Everyone. I'd be hurtfended if not all of them had something to say." she says, "I'm already disgusted by the fact that they're all wearing black. Even Loosh's hair is black!" "Don't blame her," Joakim is quick to defend, "It's her emotions. She can't help it. Just means that she's sad." He shrugs. "Who do you think organized the entire thing?" "Alfe." she replies, "You're an idioron for even asking." They're silent for a while as people like Jes and Adela join in on the gathering. "I can't believe they waited for you to die to give me a funeral." he says, "What if you died sixty years from now?" She grins. "I wouldn't have. Too danger-friendly for that." "Don't joke about dying." "I'm already dead. And so are you." He doesn't think he's ever really confronted that truth, and to be honest, he's shocked by the fact that Johanna's already accepted it so easily. "Right." he mutters. "Hey," Johanna says, laying her hand on his. "At least we're together." She sticks her tongue out. "Now, shush. The movie's starting." "You mean, our funeral." She rolls her eyes. "Same difference! Quiet. Loosh is starting." Lucia clears her throat. "Johanna Kassenburg was – " (Johanna looks smug. "First eulogy was mine!" "Shut up!") " – my ohana. One day I followed a tiny little girl into one of the classrooms. It was my first year, nothing was familiar. I kept close to the tiny little girl, and then Oh Honey came along." Loosh laughs. "They were so much fun, I didn't make any plans to ever leave those two behind. All was well until the professor figured out I was a first year, and in the wrong room. I didn't want to leave Jennie, or Ohana, they were the best things that happened to me in eleven years. So I shouted: "We are the Krazy Kutės!". And it stuck. I'm glad it did. Then, I found out she had a brother, and since Keemy isn't here for me to inflate his ego, I'm going to say it: I had a thing for him." Joa straightens a little, and Johanna hits his shoulder. "For about five seconds. Then, he opened his mouth, and I realized he was an arrogant little smart-ass, just like me. Keemy was my people, and Ohana was the closest thing I've had to a sister in my entire life. And... that's it, I think. Not because there isn't much to say about them, but because if I say any more, I'll start crying. So I'll stop." Loosh stops talking, just like she said, and Jes gives her a hug. Johanna shrugs. "Boo, you whore." she says, referencing one of her favorite movies with Loosh. "You could've done better than that for my funeral!" Joakim snorts. "Her best friends just died. Cut her some slack. Alfe's gonna speak. How much do you bet he's gonna be a total guilty shithead?" "There shouldn't even be a bet. It's gonna happen, Joa." Alfred stood up, his face tear-stained as he walked to the front, clearing his throat. His eyes found Eca, the only person in the room he could bear to look at. "I have spent years looking for Joakim Kassenburg. Years, and years of my life going everywhere to look for him. Even as I stand here now I haven't accepted that he's dead. Joakim Kassenburg was the definition of a best friend. He might have been an arrogant stuck up bastard sometimes, but I think we all loved him for it. We grew up together - we were roommates, in the same clique. We moved into Kaluciannon Hall together. We were brothers, Joakim and I, who by some defect I didn't have the same father as. He had the most amazing sarcastic sense of humour, and he always seemed to find something pessimistic to say, but that was endearing. And then he told me, that day in seventh year, that he'd see me later, when he left that hospital room, me knelt next to Johanna because she was ill. If I had gone with him, he would be here." "And the guilt is finally here," Johanna remarks, but Joakim isn't really listening. "Or at least we'd be together, somewhere or other. I have a beautiful wife and children. We had a private wedding, no ceremony, because Joakim Kassenburg was going to be my best man, and he was going to dance at my wedding. He never did dance, and he was never best man. I couldn't have a wedding without him." Alfred's words came between heartwrenching sobs. "If my children find as good a friend as Joakim Kassenburg was to me, it would be a miracle." They're both quiet for a while, and they half expect it to be there where it ends. But Alfe wouldn't end with Joakim, he'd need to talk about Johanna too. "Johanna Karina Kassenburg was Krazy. With A K. As in Krazy Kutes. She was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and during fifth year I had a crush, but I felt it indecent to date her because she was my best friend's sister, and, well, it just wasn't the done thing. She was a firework, filled with vibrant, weird patterns. I still remember the day she painted a star on her face. We have a picture together of that day...when she was still happy and smiling, the Johanna I knew. She made up words, but my very favourite was 'amazestacularful. The reason for that is because she said "Ecaterina Kogălniceanu? She is amazestacularful! Go out with her." She's Ecaterina Caison now, and she's sat here in front of me, with Alin and Veronika Caison. We both know what it's like to lose family. Hers was blood, and mine was Johanna and Joakim. Their loss still pierces at my heart, still tears, still rips, and I wish they were here to hear me say that I love them. That I love them more than anything." Johanna suddenly bursts out laughing. "You know what would be really funny?" "If you stopped talking for one second?" "I was thinking more along the lines of, let's haunt all our friends when this is over and terrify the life out of them. Then we can all be ghosts together when they die of heart attacks." Joa stares at her. "Johanna... No." "It was only an idea!" Alfe starts talking about his regrets of going into the maze, of believing Brenna, the piggyback he promised her, until it finally reaches a point where he says, "And so, I feel responsible for the end of the lives we are celebrating today." "Idiot." both Kassenburg's say at the same time. Joakim scoffs and mumbles, "It wasn't your fault." Alfe doesn't hear him and continues speaking, and Joa rolls his eyes. "My pessimistic soul brother, Joakim, and my krazy little sister Johanna. And I -" He burst into tears now, barely able to finish. "I wish I could tell them I was sorry, that I loved them, and that I wish I had a time turner so I could change everything, so that I could see then again. I love Joakim and Johanna Kassenburg. They are more than my friends, they are my family. My blood. And I miss them more than anything I've ever missed before. Maybe one day I'll make that ride on a unicorn I promised Johanna to find her, when I too pass on. But I still wish it was me in that coffin. And them out here talking. Heaven knows I'd deserve it." Now in floods, Alfred went back to his seat next to Eca and cried on her shoulder, while she tried to console him. Joakim feels like his heart is breaking into a million pieces, because his best friend shouldn't feel guilty over something he didn't do. "I hate Alfred Caison." Joa says. "Samegreed." Johanna replies, "Idiot." "Let's haunt him." "Hey!" Johanna exclaims, "That was my idea, you stoler!" Joakim laughs. It's not enough for him to take his eyes off Alfe and Eca, but it's enough to make him feel slightly better. Jennie speaks and it's clever and short and meaningful, just like her, and she lays some candy on Joakim's coffin and he smiles at that. Jes talks and Joakim hates to admit it, but he starts crying and Johanna laughs at him because she hasn't even shed a single tear yet. Kat talks and Johanna starts biting her lip, because maybe the girl has finally earned her respect. Dominik gives a eulogy only for Johanna, and Linde gives one only for Joa. And he frowns, because he's only met that Linde girl twice, but he feels like he would've danced for her. And then, the boy with the tattoos stands, and Johanna is cut short in her singing of If I Die Young, because she freezes. "Careful, 'Anna. Your emotions are showing." "At least I wasn't the first to cry." Johanna replies, without missing a beat. "Johanna was strange, there's no denying that. She made up words and spoke in his weird dreamy voice and pretty much went to first base with people within ten minutes of meeting them. But she was beautifully strange. There was beauty in her made-up vocabulary and her eyes and everything about her. I guess the best way to describe her would be to call her a firework. Fireworks are messy, and loud, and quite startling when you first see them. But then you see the colours, and the lights." He stops to gulp and take a deep breath. "I always expected to die before her. I wanted to die before her. I expected her to go on and live to 100 and find her Prince Charming - or just someone who would treat her right and love her - and have five kids. But that was another thing about Johanna. She always surprised me. And I guess, that's something else I loved about her. She was bold and surprising and extravagant. Kind of like a firework." When Aaron finishes, Johanna stands up and Joa raises an eyebrow. "Where do you think you're going?" "To talk to Aaron." she replies, and her voice is panicked and broken and sad and real and not very Johanna at all. "I need to, okay, he needs to know that I'm here and that he's not alone okay, because he has to – " "Deal with it. He has to deal with it." Joa says, pulling her back down. "Look, I'm sorry for him. The guy lost his best friend. And you. He lost you. It would be selfish of you to go talk to him, when you know you're just going to break his heart all over again, when he has to lose you again." She slumps down in defeat. Joakim doesn't know what his sister and Aaron had but whatever it was, he's happy she had it while she was still alive. "I miss him." Johanna says, "I miss all of them. I hate being dead." Joa sighs. "Me too, Anna." "You know what, I don't even hate being dead. I hate the fact that all our friends are being idiots mourning us when they should be carrying on with their lives." "You can't blame them for missing us." Joa mumbles. "Oh, yes, I can." She stands up, defiant, facing them, shouting at them through cupped hands. "Hey! All of you! Why don't you stop being such grief-stricken idiots and go out and have fun? You need it!" "Johanna, be quiet!" Joa says, standing up to meet her. "Look, I miss them too but – " "Apparently, that's not enough for you to stay to see tomorrow morning?" He freezes, silent. "You weren't supposed to know that." "I'm your sister, I know everything about you." she says, "And as your sister, I thought that would have earned me a proper goodbye." "I was going to offer for you to come with me." he says, quietly. "You wouldn't do that. I know you." Johanna's voice cracks and he sees tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. She swipes at them, and sniffs. "Someone needs to watch over them." They stumble upon another silence and when she speaks, she sounds small. "Why won't you stay?" "Because I need to carry on with my life, or whatever this is, just like they need to." he replies, "And you'll need to too, you know." Johanna nods grimly. "I know." "Hey, I'll say goodbye to you before I go, promise." he says, "And when I'm gone, make sure that one – " He points at Alfe, " – stops being such an idiot, alright?" "You're asking me to do something impossible." "You're just trying to get out of watching over Alfe so you can focus on your boyfriend." he teases. She smiles. "Shut up!" she says, "I'll miss you." "I'll miss you too," he says, hugging her. "Don't keep me waiting for too long. I'll probably get bored without you after the first hundred years." "You'll survive." she says, "What do you think is going to be waiting for you? Something amazetastic, I think." "I have absolutely no idea." "Are you scared?" The two look at all of their friends, slowly leaving. The Kutes stay to talk one last time 'all together'. The rest leave to let the group have their space, and the Kassenburg siblings walk towards the circle they're forming and watch them talk about memories and the future. He's ready to say he's terrified. That he's scared shitless. That he doesn't want to go. Instead, he flashes a winning grin. "Not at all." why should I be frightened of dying? there's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime